Well, I made it. I’m 26 years old (and a couple months). I have a job with a decent salary, three lovely kitties, and goals for the future. But, I do not believe those goals will ever come to fruition.
Let me start with my life-long partner, depression. It’s been with me daily for as long as I can remember. For a while I pretended it was there. Then in college I became super honest about it. When talking about depression, I separated my emotions from the facts and was trying to spread awareness. Now, I don’t know. People don’t like hearing about it where I live now. They don’t consider it “real” in a way. My boyfriend is no exception. He believes if I ate the best foods and got into the best shape possible I’d be happy. We have differing opinions.
I don’t feel comfortable leaving the house or entering into social situations. My anxiety ramps up and I try to stay under the radar. Usually, I hide. I hide from the people, the noise, the lights, and the conversations. Hiding has become a skill that I can’t add to my resume.
I mostly leave the house only for work. My job is everything I wanted it to be, but it has its flaws. I’m an oncology pharmacist at a cancer clinic. I work up patients, make recommendations, and compound medications to treat patients with cancer. I do not receive much respect however. Nurses go above my head to talk directly to me boss and they assume I can’t help them. The nurses and providers both assume that I am a button pusher. They tell me what the want and I click away an the computer to make their demands a reality.
I don’t know if anyone will read this. I don’t know if my written thoughts and experiences will be helpful to anyone. My goal with this blog is to possibly build a community of people who may care about what other people are going through. We’ll see if that can be achieved.